I don't choose to write about it very much, but I am permanently disabled with an autoimmune disease and multiple back injuries. I also suffer from chronic migraines which occur about once a week even though I take preventative medication. My illnesses were, in a way, what made my acting career possible. Before I became ill and went out on medical leave in 1998, ultimately retiring in 2000, I had a very demanding job in the telecommunications industry which required frequent cross-country travel and regular 50-60 hour work weeks. I loved my work and had always derived most of my self-image and self-worth from what I did for my living, and I enjoyed the high status and income associated with my career. Yet it was very stressful, and I had suffered increasingly ill health since about 1990 until I finally had to admit that I was no longer well enough to be able to work reliably.
Faced with a future completely devoid of the career I had loved, and unable to have children, I found myself returning to my childhood dreams of performing. I'd always loved to sing and dance, and had once staged a play in my parents' garage that the whole neighborhood had attended. I'd also written and performed in the Thanksgiving play that my fifth grade class put on. I'd been in a few plays and one student film in high school, and I'd never forgotten how much fun it was to act. I started to think that maybe now I could actually pursue those dreams, for fun if not for profit.
In a way, acting is a perfect job for people with disabilities. In my case, I can't sit, stand, or walk for much longer than a half-hour at a time, nor can I bend or lift more than about ten pounds. With acting, unless one does extra work, which I no longer do, you can usually take breaks, move around, stretch, and generally do whatever you need to do to keep from hurting. The most strenuous requirement is to learn your lines, and to show up for your call time. Those things I can still do, although I do miss rehearsals from time to time due to migraines. But I have never missed a performance, although these days I could, since I usually have an understudy in my plays. I have met many other actors on sets who are also disabled and who are now pursuing acting as a second career. Since I have never made more money than I am allowed to in a single month, my acting does not jeopardize my disability income; it's really considered a "hobby" because I have yet to make a profit.
The nicest aspect of becoming an actor at this point in my life is that there is really no pressure to become a "star;" no one would expect that of someone my age. I don't have to worry much about being thin, or having too many wrinkles; I'm what they call a "character" actor, so I can look "real" instead of like a model, and still get cast in secondary rather than starring roles, which is fine with me. And I do a lot of work in projects that give meaning to my life and make me feel like I am contributing to the community. For example, in December of 2010 I appeared in two plays for children's theatre companies; many of the kids we performed for had never seen live theatre before, and it was just magical for them. This past December when I performed in "It's a Wonderful Life," people told me they were deeply moved by the unexpected relevance of the speeches about foreclosures and greed and the importance of sticking together. Getting that kind of feedback from a live audience is one of the rewards of doing theatre - you know immediately what your audience thinks of the show.
Obviously, I don't like to advertise the fact that I am disabled. You wouldn't know it to look at me; my illness is invisible, and I don't have to use a cane or a wheelchair due to my back injuries. My health has improved since I have been living in LA permanently; the dry climate has lessened my joint and back pain, and since I'm not traveling frequently between LA and SF I'm not as tired as I used to be. But I still require about 12 hours of sleep a day just to function semi-normally, and after a day of work I usually have to spend a day in bed recovering. I save most of my energy for acting - I don't cook (I have my meals delivered), I order my groceries, I have a laundry service, and I get my house cleaned once a month. And if my dream of working as a regular cast member on a situation comedy came true, it would definitely be a challenge for me to work every day. But if that chance comes along, I will certainly give it my best shot. For now, I would be happy if I could just earn the maximum amount of money that I am allowed to make every month. In the meantime, I put my health first and try to do whatever it takes to feel my best so that I can stay active and feel well enough to do what I love.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Sunday, January 1, 2012
The Return of "One Last Shot"
It's January 1, 2012, the year the world will supposedly end (if you believe the Mayan calendar, on 12/21/12). I'm not sure I believe that, but if so, it will be a short year and thus easier to document my continuing pursuit of my mid-life acting career in LA. When I last wrote, it was March of 2011. I was excited about my prospects as a new SAG/AFTRA member, finally living full-time in LA, able to pursue my dreams of being an actress with no distractions, or so I thought. But life has a way of happening while you are making other plans. The road less traveled turned out to be bumpier than I expected.
For one thing, my work opportunities dropped off considerably after I joined both unions. I had been warned about this, but I guess it didn't really hit me until it actually happened. Whereas when I was non-union I might have had ten opportunities to submit to per day and up to ten auditions a week, now I was lucky to get that many in a month. Suddenly my paid jobs dropped to one a month or so, and almost none were at SAG scale. Most were paid at what is known as "ultra-low budget," or basically, as little as the production company can get away with paying you and still be union-compliant. I was amazed at how many SAG productions there were that didn't pay actors anything. I refused to work on these, so consequently I wasn't doing nearly as much film or TV work once I joined the union.
Fortunately, I was a member of SkyPilot Theatre Company, which turned out to be a real blessing in both my work and personal life. I had joined the company late in 2010, and acted in my first show in January of 2011. I started going to weekly improv workshops hosted by the company, and began to feel much more comfortable trying new voices and gestures in a setting that was safe for me; it didn't matter if they worked or not. I got to know the company members, and they became a kind of surrogate family for me. And in the summer, I co-produced and played a lead in an important original play written for SkyPilot by Samantha Macher, called "To the New Girl from the Former Mrs.: Advice to my Husband's New Wife or Girlfriend." The show was a critical and commercial success, earning raves from the LA Times and LA Weekly, and putting SkyPilot on the radar of the LA theatre scene as a company to watch for new works. I wasn't paid, but I learned a lot about producing a play, and joined the administrative staff (also unpaid) of the company after the show closed. I am planning to produce at least one show in 2012, as well as assisting in fundraising and grant writing, areas that I have experience in from my past life. I also participated in several of the company's monthly readings of new works written by our in-house staff of playwrights, and enjoyed giving them feedback and helping to choose which plays we will mount in 2012.
In addition to the work I did with SkyPilot, I performed in two other shows in 2011. One was an original musical tribute to 9/11 called "We are Different Now," in which I played "the unsinkable Molly Brown" and had a great, funny monologue written just for me. The other was the play version of "It's a Wonderful Life," in which I played "Mother Bailey," at the Sierra Madre Playhouse for the Christmas season, which played to packed houses and earned rave reviews. Although the 9/11 musical was marked by production problems and difficulties with various personalities in the show, it ended up being a genuinely moving, patriotic production. However, the show came at a very difficult time for me, as my beloved pug, Pasha, had died on September 8th, just a day before we opened on September 9th. Pushing myself to do these shows on September 9-11 really made me understand what "the show must go on" is all about.
Although stage work dominated my acting life this past year, I also did three student films, two infomercials for skincare products, a couple of re-enactment shows, a game show spoof for Spike TV in which I was part of the small but enthusiastic audience, small speaking parts in two independent films, and had a small credited part in Seth Rogen's next comedy, titled "For a Good Time Call." I also did a spec commercial called "The Elephant in the Room" with a real live elephant! And I fulfilled my childhood dream of working at Six Flags by playing a gypsy at Magic Mountain's Fright Fest. Although I injured my leg the second weekend and had to drop out early, it was still a fun time; I enjoyed telling fortunes and scaring kids, telling them "I love children; they're delicious!"
Another highlight of 2011 was that I started going to acting class on a regular basis. I began an on-camera audition class every week with Charlene Tilton (Lucy Ewing of "Dallas" fame) and Bob Rusch, SkyPilot's artistic director, and it helped me grow enormously as an actress. I also did one scene study workshop per month with a major casting director, to try to get better known among those who can hire me on prime time network shows. And toward the end of the year, I got signed by a new agency (for me) for commercial, theatrical, and voiceover representation. So far, the Polygon Group has sent me on more auditions in two months than my last agency did in two years, and I booked the very first one they sent me on. So maybe work will pick up in the new year; I have two auditions this coming week.
In 2012 I am focusing on getting my first part on a prime-time network show. I have been acting for ten years now, and that hasn't happened yet. I once said that if I hadn't "made it" as an actress in ten years, I would give it up. But the problem is, how do you define "making it?" If it's by money made, as my soon-to-be ex-husband tells me, then I have certainly failed, because I have yet to make a profit as an actress. But I know many people who consider themselves successful actors who can't pay the bills with their acting income. I would like to be able to do a paid acting job of some sort every week, even if it only paid me gas money; that would be a start toward profitability. But I'm not giving up now. I haven't even been in SAG for a full year yet. Maybe in nine more years...we'll see.
Here's to a successful, and profitable, 2012!
For one thing, my work opportunities dropped off considerably after I joined both unions. I had been warned about this, but I guess it didn't really hit me until it actually happened. Whereas when I was non-union I might have had ten opportunities to submit to per day and up to ten auditions a week, now I was lucky to get that many in a month. Suddenly my paid jobs dropped to one a month or so, and almost none were at SAG scale. Most were paid at what is known as "ultra-low budget," or basically, as little as the production company can get away with paying you and still be union-compliant. I was amazed at how many SAG productions there were that didn't pay actors anything. I refused to work on these, so consequently I wasn't doing nearly as much film or TV work once I joined the union.
Fortunately, I was a member of SkyPilot Theatre Company, which turned out to be a real blessing in both my work and personal life. I had joined the company late in 2010, and acted in my first show in January of 2011. I started going to weekly improv workshops hosted by the company, and began to feel much more comfortable trying new voices and gestures in a setting that was safe for me; it didn't matter if they worked or not. I got to know the company members, and they became a kind of surrogate family for me. And in the summer, I co-produced and played a lead in an important original play written for SkyPilot by Samantha Macher, called "To the New Girl from the Former Mrs.: Advice to my Husband's New Wife or Girlfriend." The show was a critical and commercial success, earning raves from the LA Times and LA Weekly, and putting SkyPilot on the radar of the LA theatre scene as a company to watch for new works. I wasn't paid, but I learned a lot about producing a play, and joined the administrative staff (also unpaid) of the company after the show closed. I am planning to produce at least one show in 2012, as well as assisting in fundraising and grant writing, areas that I have experience in from my past life. I also participated in several of the company's monthly readings of new works written by our in-house staff of playwrights, and enjoyed giving them feedback and helping to choose which plays we will mount in 2012.
In addition to the work I did with SkyPilot, I performed in two other shows in 2011. One was an original musical tribute to 9/11 called "We are Different Now," in which I played "the unsinkable Molly Brown" and had a great, funny monologue written just for me. The other was the play version of "It's a Wonderful Life," in which I played "Mother Bailey," at the Sierra Madre Playhouse for the Christmas season, which played to packed houses and earned rave reviews. Although the 9/11 musical was marked by production problems and difficulties with various personalities in the show, it ended up being a genuinely moving, patriotic production. However, the show came at a very difficult time for me, as my beloved pug, Pasha, had died on September 8th, just a day before we opened on September 9th. Pushing myself to do these shows on September 9-11 really made me understand what "the show must go on" is all about.
Although stage work dominated my acting life this past year, I also did three student films, two infomercials for skincare products, a couple of re-enactment shows, a game show spoof for Spike TV in which I was part of the small but enthusiastic audience, small speaking parts in two independent films, and had a small credited part in Seth Rogen's next comedy, titled "For a Good Time Call." I also did a spec commercial called "The Elephant in the Room" with a real live elephant! And I fulfilled my childhood dream of working at Six Flags by playing a gypsy at Magic Mountain's Fright Fest. Although I injured my leg the second weekend and had to drop out early, it was still a fun time; I enjoyed telling fortunes and scaring kids, telling them "I love children; they're delicious!"
Another highlight of 2011 was that I started going to acting class on a regular basis. I began an on-camera audition class every week with Charlene Tilton (Lucy Ewing of "Dallas" fame) and Bob Rusch, SkyPilot's artistic director, and it helped me grow enormously as an actress. I also did one scene study workshop per month with a major casting director, to try to get better known among those who can hire me on prime time network shows. And toward the end of the year, I got signed by a new agency (for me) for commercial, theatrical, and voiceover representation. So far, the Polygon Group has sent me on more auditions in two months than my last agency did in two years, and I booked the very first one they sent me on. So maybe work will pick up in the new year; I have two auditions this coming week.
In 2012 I am focusing on getting my first part on a prime-time network show. I have been acting for ten years now, and that hasn't happened yet. I once said that if I hadn't "made it" as an actress in ten years, I would give it up. But the problem is, how do you define "making it?" If it's by money made, as my soon-to-be ex-husband tells me, then I have certainly failed, because I have yet to make a profit as an actress. But I know many people who consider themselves successful actors who can't pay the bills with their acting income. I would like to be able to do a paid acting job of some sort every week, even if it only paid me gas money; that would be a start toward profitability. But I'm not giving up now. I haven't even been in SAG for a full year yet. Maybe in nine more years...we'll see.
Here's to a successful, and profitable, 2012!
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