I don't choose to write about it very much, but I am permanently disabled with an autoimmune disease and multiple back injuries. I also suffer from chronic migraines which occur about once a week even though I take preventative medication. My illnesses were, in a way, what made my acting career possible. Before I became ill and went out on medical leave in 1998, ultimately retiring in 2000, I had a very demanding job in the telecommunications industry which required frequent cross-country travel and regular 50-60 hour work weeks. I loved my work and had always derived most of my self-image and self-worth from what I did for my living, and I enjoyed the high status and income associated with my career. Yet it was very stressful, and I had suffered increasingly ill health since about 1990 until I finally had to admit that I was no longer well enough to be able to work reliably.
Faced with a future completely devoid of the career I had loved, and unable to have children, I found myself returning to my childhood dreams of performing. I'd always loved to sing and dance, and had once staged a play in my parents' garage that the whole neighborhood had attended. I'd also written and performed in the Thanksgiving play that my fifth grade class put on. I'd been in a few plays and one student film in high school, and I'd never forgotten how much fun it was to act. I started to think that maybe now I could actually pursue those dreams, for fun if not for profit.
In a way, acting is a perfect job for people with disabilities. In my case, I can't sit, stand, or walk for much longer than a half-hour at a time, nor can I bend or lift more than about ten pounds. With acting, unless one does extra work, which I no longer do, you can usually take breaks, move around, stretch, and generally do whatever you need to do to keep from hurting. The most strenuous requirement is to learn your lines, and to show up for your call time. Those things I can still do, although I do miss rehearsals from time to time due to migraines. But I have never missed a performance, although these days I could, since I usually have an understudy in my plays. I have met many other actors on sets who are also disabled and who are now pursuing acting as a second career. Since I have never made more money than I am allowed to in a single month, my acting does not jeopardize my disability income; it's really considered a "hobby" because I have yet to make a profit.
The nicest aspect of becoming an actor at this point in my life is that there is really no pressure to become a "star;" no one would expect that of someone my age. I don't have to worry much about being thin, or having too many wrinkles; I'm what they call a "character" actor, so I can look "real" instead of like a model, and still get cast in secondary rather than starring roles, which is fine with me. And I do a lot of work in projects that give meaning to my life and make me feel like I am contributing to the community. For example, in December of 2010 I appeared in two plays for children's theatre companies; many of the kids we performed for had never seen live theatre before, and it was just magical for them. This past December when I performed in "It's a Wonderful Life," people told me they were deeply moved by the unexpected relevance of the speeches about foreclosures and greed and the importance of sticking together. Getting that kind of feedback from a live audience is one of the rewards of doing theatre - you know immediately what your audience thinks of the show.
Obviously, I don't like to advertise the fact that I am disabled. You wouldn't know it to look at me; my illness is invisible, and I don't have to use a cane or a wheelchair due to my back injuries. My health has improved since I have been living in LA permanently; the dry climate has lessened my joint and back pain, and since I'm not traveling frequently between LA and SF I'm not as tired as I used to be. But I still require about 12 hours of sleep a day just to function semi-normally, and after a day of work I usually have to spend a day in bed recovering. I save most of my energy for acting - I don't cook (I have my meals delivered), I order my groceries, I have a laundry service, and I get my house cleaned once a month. And if my dream of working as a regular cast member on a situation comedy came true, it would definitely be a challenge for me to work every day. But if that chance comes along, I will certainly give it my best shot. For now, I would be happy if I could just earn the maximum amount of money that I am allowed to make every month. In the meantime, I put my health first and try to do whatever it takes to feel my best so that I can stay active and feel well enough to do what I love.
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